Confidence in the process will go a long way when you're in labor. The experience of standing in your own power can be of great help. Femke de Heus experienced the difference between her first and her second birth and tells her story: full of confidence in the process of giving birth.
What a roller coaster!
Giving birth is hard work and sweating a lot. Sniffing heavily through my nose, panting and moaning, I catch the contractions. No idea what to do. I'm so tense. Between contractions I lay panting like a dog, soaked with sweat. Relentless contractions. Sometimes there is the fear of dying. Overpowered by pain. Lost in fear. In a panic I lose all control, both over my body and my mind. During the pressing phase, my body uses superhuman forces to expel the child. Contractions that I can't possibly stop. And then that cut! Lying on my back, the baby just pops out like a slithering pig. I am completely shocked that the naked child suddenly lies between my legs on our bed. My midwife says 'well done'. She calls it a real dream birth A dream birth? I thought it was a really horrible experience
Why dream birth?
I really couldn't do anything with this feedback. A dream birth? I really thought it was a horrible experience. A rollercoaster that I had no grip on at all. I was ashamed to talk about it. Because compared to experiences of other mothers with procedures and complications as inleiden, epidural, caesarean sections, endless puffing, of course I couldn't complain about my so-called dream birth. Pregnant again, I not only dreaded the next delivery, but was also terrified of losing myself again. I wondered: is this the intention? Why shouldn't I also opt for an epidural or pain-relieving medication? We don't live in the Middle Ages anymore, do we? Looking up to a natural birth was no fun for me. It gnawed at me and it often kept me awake: How the hell will the next child turn out?
Birth Psychology
During a course I met a birth psychologist. I asked her: Why is childbirth such a hard job? Does labor pain have a function? What can I do about it? Her answer was:
In principle, childbirth is a 'normal crisis' and not an illness or medical matter. It is a transition to a new phase of life: becoming a mother. A safe delivery is an initiation, a transformation. An important event in which an essential development is hidden. Not only the growth into a mother, but also the growth into being a woman. In addition, a natural birth ensures a healthy bond between mother and baby. For example, the mother's well-being during childbirth influences the development of the next generations.
Confidence in the process
Intrigued by these insights, I began to delve further into birth psychology. I learned that there is no tissue damage during the dilation phase and that labor pain does not mean that you are in danger or that you are going to die. I learned special breathing techniques and vertical birth positions that facilitate birth. I was given an explanation about the hormonal physiology and I learned that the production of the hormone oxytocin is necessary for a safe birth. Oxytocin is only produced when you are relaxed. By practicing deep relaxation I learned to recognize and reduce stress. I learned how to return to relaxation from stress. Slowly the fear crumbled from me, I regained confidence in the natural process of childbirth. In addition to the baby growing in my womb, a deep confidence grew in my entire being. If my body is able to make a miracle of a child with 10 fingers and 10 toes, organs and a cool face. So why shouldn't I rely a little more on the intelligence of my body to give life to my child? I rented a birthing pool and cut pain relief from my birth plan. The big day The day when I could give birth was getting closer and closer. Instead of lying awake in fear, I began to look forward to the arrival of our child. Most importantly, I could just relax. The delivery was announced at 39 weeks and 3 days. My baby and I were ready.
I had three tools with me during the delivery
- The first tool I had with me was my mantra: This pain does no harm, I am not in danger, this pain helps my baby to be born. These phrases dragged me through every contraction.
- The second tool was my breath. Exhale, exhale, exhale! Breathing out was the only thing that helped to remain feeling present. Thanks to the exhalation, I did not panic. Deep relaxation allowed me to prevent cramps, which gave me control over the contractions.
- My third tool was vertical birthing and letting gravity do the work. This is how I managed to give life in a natural way.
In my strength.
This birth was free of fear, without cutting, without surgery. A free birth, from inner strength. I was completely clear in consciousness and very fit when the baby was born in its very last contraction. I felt fine, a heavenly experience. With a broad grin of delight and a deep satisfaction I could look deep into our baby's eyes underwater. A girl, oh…! Lovingly she looked back at me, with the water still between us. Time stood still, breathtaking and immediately so deeply connected. I lifted her up, up, out of the water. The hands she first felt were mine. The whole room was popping pink and purple. The golden hour of bonding and connection had arrived. I felt so strong, powerful and reborn. My self-confidence grew in a sprint to 100 percent, which I have never lost after giving birth. My insecurity disappeared, not just during labor, but forever! I became not only a mother, but also a woman. Becoming a mother and giving birth safely have empowered me completely. I wish every woman this inner journey to become a mother with many growth opportunities. The promise of birth psychology is correct: 'A birth is an initiation into life. Towards a life with self-confidence, from full vitality.