Saying NO is good, but fine-tuning it is quite tricky. You can really scare others with it.
I decided to investigate because I also want to teach my children to say NO the right waywithout others feeling that they are being pushed aside. Since children learn through imitation, I like to lead by example.
When is saying NO assertive and when does it become aggressive? The line is thin.
As a parent, it is important to show good how you indicate your limits. How do we do this ourselves? We often say NO to our children. That could also be different. Say NO without the no word. Say NO without hurting the other person. Say NO in a positive way.
Come here 10 alternatives:
1. Exchange?
We are quickly inclined to say NO when a child has to put something away or is not allowed to touch, but try swapping something. You can still take the item out of his or her hands, but you'll avoid a power struggle.
2. That's dangerous!
Emphasizing NO makes some things mysteriously attractive to children. Explaining that it is dangerous and why works much better than saying NO.
3. Have a look here!
Sometimes the most efficient way to keep a child from doing something forbidden is to draw attention to something else. Try to find a good alternative that will hold your attention.
4. Why don't we go…
If you forbid something without explanation or alternative suggestions, you are more likely to get a child into an argument. If you propose reasonable alternatives, you can count on cooperation more quickly.
5. Yes, later
Sometimes a child just wants to know that he or she is allowed to do or have something. Instead of saying NO, because it's not convenient, you can say 'Yes, later'. That sounds much more agreeable than a hard NO, but it is just as clear.
6. That hurts someone and then they get sad
If a child hits, bites or kicks and you say NO in the same way as always, there is a chance that it simply won't be heard. If you explain what the consequences of the behavior are, such as hurting or making the other person sad, it immediately gives more understanding
7. I know you like sweets, but you get nauseous if you eat too much
Explaining why too much candy is not good for you usually has more effect than simply telling you not to.
8. Use your words!
A tantrum can be an effective way for a child to get his way. But they are usually accompanied by unintelligible wails. Tell your child that simply talking can accomplish more than you think. This way you can nip a tantrum in the bud and teach your child something at the same time. Also for yourself as a mother it makes much more sense than threatening and punishing.
9. Sorry, I can't understand what you're saying when you talk like that. Use your big girl voice/big boy voice.
If children don't feel well, because of hunger, fatigue or for any other reason, they can still cry. This is not really pleasant to listen to. Let your child know that a normal voice will make your words come across more clearly and forcefully.
10. I'm coming to get you!
Sometimes all it takes is a little distraction. A nice burst of laughter does wonders and shifts attention to more fun things. Depending on the age, you can have the tickle monster pay a visit, play around, tell a joke, tell a nice story, play a game or point out something beautiful that you suddenly see.
Everything you can do to avoid excessive NO consumption is included. Using more positive responses allows you to set boundaries just as strongly as with NO, if not better. And if you do use NO once, it will be heard earlier. But the most important thing is that you practice it and stick with it. I can imagine that if we succeed in breaking the annoying habit of excessively saying NO, this will also have an effect in other areas than just parenting.